Sunday, 30 July 2017


   Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
   the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed. 
   And as you journey to your final rest, 
   take with you this...I loved you best."

(Ed note- from "I loved you best", by Jim Willis. 2002
Gorgeous poem, due to copyright, the rest is in the link at bottom of page.)

Heart Wrenching  by Kethical

Today was a heart wrenching day...I had to put my dog down. It was a decision that has been coming on slowly over a period of a few months, even going back to a couple years. She was 16 1/2 yrs, a little Bichon Maltese mix we loved almost as a child. 

She was loyal and loving, very obedient and definitely girly. She never chased after a ball, she would look at us as if to say "you want that ball, go get it". She liked to be kept at 70F, if it was hotter she was panting, if it was cooler she wanted to cuddle or sit by a heater or in the sun. She demanded her treats after dinner and going out to go potty. She was a pleasure and a chore, and I will miss both terribly. Unconditional love is very addictive and a dog provides that adoration and affection with no coaching. 

Recently I comforted a friend who was weeping heart wrenching tears. She told me "no one understands unless they have been through it".  Although the situation was different the heart wrenching is not. We cannot really understand until we too have experienced a cause for those "heart wrenching" tears.

As I sat on my patio to calm my heart, and felt the sun on my face and the cool wind pass over me, I knew my dog would never feel this again and made the pain all the more sharp. I remember feeling that way once before when I was diagnosed with cancer and didn't know how many times or how long I would be here to experience this wonderful world. It takes these moments to put life in perspective. It is fleeting and sweet. Sometimes it is long suffering and bitter, but for all that I am grateful. 

Every day is a blessing and for that I am grateful. 

Good bye, little pet, you took part of my heart...

I loved you best poem by Jim Willis

Saturday, 29 July 2017



Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you 
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Heart bypass
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
Take it with you
You can't anymore.

Copyright Runningonempty

What do you want people to say about you, when you are dead?

I used to be a regular on a huge website, and met some amazing people there, who walk the walk, not just talk the talk. I will only mention a few here, as I will only mention publically available information. There are others, you know who you are and what you've done, I won't break your privacy.

Well, there's Okedokegal. An incredibly intelligent person, she's living the concept of saving the earth, one vegetable plant at a time. She has made a real long term difference in the life of a disabled family member, while rebuilding her house from the ground up herself, building greenhouses and shadehouses herself, building alternative energy sources, and redeveloping her property generally for organic sustainable food production. All in one of the most difficult climates in the US.

There's Rina. It's no secret in pockets online, that Rina has , over the years, taken a whole extended struggling African family into her home compound, one that keeps expanding, with adoption and a new birth. She doesn't consider saying "sorry, we're full". To her, they are her family now, too. 

Both of the above, I have no doubt, could have made themselves rich on the back of their high intelligences, if they were not growing things on their home turf, growing the future, making a difference. They don't get up and walk away.

Badger loves trees. This comes from his gentle core.  He made trees his life's work, seeding, propagating, planting, pruning, saving, you name it, then taught them to others. Trees are the world's lungs, without them we won't breathe, they house wildlife and capture carbon, but they are being decimated around the world too fast. I've also noticed the great respect with which he treats women . 

Sandy put in a career as a nurse. In the process she learned compassion for her fellow humans, and a passionate desire to make things better for them. So she pounds out a message online, over and over, even when the going gets tough and she'd rather give up. Back she is the next day, explaining why everyone needs health care, social security, a living wage, somewhere safe to live. How does she live that out? Sandy does volunteer work in the community and mixes thoroughly with the minorities she defends online, counting them among her friends, for real. 

These are just the things that are publically known about some people like us, that were brave enough to make a start. (The bit that frightens many of us.) Then they just kept going. That sounds easy, but problems always crop up. These people did not give in and take the easy road. If they can do it, so can we. 

Walking the walk.

Feel free to share the images, original photos are from Pexels, except for the product picture above, see link below.

Friday, 28 July 2017


For those who don't know, Jared Kushner is US President Donald Trump's SIL. (That's online speak for sister-in -law. )

My Emails have been made famous on a certain website in the past. That was a grimy chapter. Here's a real exchange from today, but this one differs in that it shows both sides. Name has been changed to protect the prudent.


"What do you think this means? Gorlovka gave this to Jared Kushner 3 days ago"

"I accepted dirt from the Russians — but not that kind of dirt.
 " Finally, Kushner insists that his meeting with the Russian banker Sergey Gorkov was about diplomacy, not business (despite Gorkov’s claims to the contrary). Still, he admits that he did receive dirt from the Putin confidante.
"The meeting with Mr. Gorkov lasted twenty to twenty-five minutes. He introduced himself and gave me two gifts – one was a piece of art from Nvgorod, the village where my grandparents were from in Belarus, and the other was a bag of dirt from that same village."
Kushner concludes his testimony by declaring, “I did not collude, nor know of anyone else in the campaign who colluded, with any foreign government. I had no improper contacts. I have not relied on Russian funds to finance my business activities in the private sector … Hopefully, this puts these matters to rest.” "


"No.....Gorlovka gave him the dirt Dec 13 "

"Yes. I can put together a post on it, I'm only writing four at once right now, lollol. Give me a paragraph from you, lol. Or won't you soil your hands with it?
Xo C"


"I don't want to be caught holding the bag...."

"Then give it to me!"


"What was the symbolism....Jared is a dirtbag? I have dirt FOR you. I have dirt ON you. Dirt from your dug grave. "

"Can I put that in? (I want to putin). 

What's the media source?"


"  "

And so on. 

Excerpt from the song "Sit ,stay ,roll over" by Ukrainian heavy metal band Jinjer, who hail from the war zone there:

"Roll over, sit, stay
Roll over, sit, stay

The march of curs to trample their own truth
To chase all crows of white
No breath for those who dare to disagree
One path, one past, one trust

[Verse 2]
Loyal dogs, unfailing tool
They do what they have been trained to
With the eidolons, the minds are full
The evil ghosts of old
The evil ghosts of old
Insanity turns back at last
As soon as their food is done
And dog will raven dog"

Open if you don't mind heavy metal, lyrics at bottom of this post , you will need them:

I think Whitegloveduster is mistaken, and Ms Kushner is concealing something different. It's possible Gorkov is fronting as a banker but he may really be a cleaner, maybe like this:

"Elite cleaners are rarely found in the mobs/mafias/gangs etc., but instead a part of a government agency. Considering the drastic consequences often involved with these agencies actions, elite cleaners are required. You never hear of them, and you rarely hear of what they have cleaned up. All that's left is the event: something happened, but the cleaner will make sure there are no trails left behind. Such cleaning jobs can be on a global scale, such as clearing a trail of money used to get the job done."
Urban Dictionary

Or this is how it really went down:

Gorkov gets his foot in the door, so Ms Jared Kushner cannot close it. She asks him in when he promises her a free Russian artwork. (This contains embedded nano spy cameras that later pick up the sounds of every bowel movement in Ms Kushner's gold plated guest bathroom, that is reserved for the President's visits. )
Gorkov convinces Ms Kushner to sit down and watch a demonstration. He takes out a tube of red paint from his case, and squeezes it gaily into the carpet, rubbing it in . (He's not allowed to do anything gayly in Russia .) Then he extracts a bag of brown dirt from his case and grinds that into the red paint with gusto. (The gusto came from Cuba.)

Finally he demonstrates how a top of the line Dyson vacuum cleaner can clean that all up. Many American dollars richer, (and a pair of Levis), Gorkov exits having made a sale. But unbeknownst to Ms Kushner, there is something else going on.

I.27 mins

Then later, after Ivanka got home (30 secs)

Lyrics of " Sit , stay, rollover" by Jinjer as played up above (Ukrainian heavy metal band from Gorlovka)

Meaning of a word from the song:

Meaning of another word:

Thursday, 27 July 2017


Tête à Tête

You are

who you are 

who you are 

to me.

So to me who you are is the whole world in a person each one each time is in a closed room it is a world. 

Who you are has

my attention there is nothing

else right now, there is noone else 

moment time. 

You are all and who you are is my world 

just then. 

Love the different same

Be who you are 

with me.

 But if you be gone

door open cold wind




You are

where you are

Not here.

I shiver and feed the cat.

Copyright Runningonempty

5 minutes of perfection

Wednesday, 26 July 2017


My daughter is beautiful. She was a pretty baby, lovely child, and now, despite the usual acne, and thanks to my Dad, who paid almost $10,000, wearing braces, still beautiful to me. Last night I took pictures of her, her mouth in a huge smile, her eyes shining. 

At great grandmother's house
Copyright Runningonempty 

Copyright Runningonempty 

As parents, we have always called her "pretty" and "beautiful". We have called her funny, clever, artistic, (but never tidy). Creative, but not organised. 

My parents never called me pretty. Not even on my wedding days. I thought my mother was beautiful, but either she didn't think I was, or didn't want to say it. Maybe her parents never said it to her, I don't know. I grew up interested in makeup, nails , fashion and hair. I made the most of my appearance from the time I started to earn my own money. I got my ears pierced. I did makeup and clothes on other people, at one time, as I got pretty good at it. It's significant that I had boyfriends and husbands in my life, from age 16 , without much of a break. I didn't have to learn true independence, how to change a tyre, for example, even when I lived alone. I think I always needed someone to think I was special.

My parents cared about school and university grades, not appearance, so as long as I was neat and tidy, my clothes went unremarked. I'm appreciative they bought me clothes and took care of them until I earned money. They did buy me braces for my teeth, and I'm grateful, as they were expensive even back then.

 From age 16 , I started using my Mum's makeup foundation mixed with white zinc cream , as my skin was Celtic fair, dabbed on to cover my zits. I would wear her mascara to school as my eyelashes were long, but strawberry blonde at that time, and matched my auburn hair. I did not think having Celtic looks was pretty. No one told me otherwise. I didn't think my long wavy hair was pretty, so I curled it at night. Now that it has darkened, and I have greys, I now know it was lovely back then. 

At around age 17. It must have been Winter as I was wearing a jumper (sweater) under my dress.
Copyright Runningonempty 

With Miffy the dog

Copyright Runningonempty 

For years I have tried to get that auburn colour back . I used my Dad's razor to shave my legs. If my parents knew about me using their stuff they said nothing. I got $2 a month pocket money, which I spent on gifts. Their priorities were study and music lessons. Fair enough, I really appreciate it. Still, there was a dimension to me that wanted to be pretty, for someone to say I was. 

I think every parent should think their daughters are pretty, and say it often. If your father tells you that you are attractive, you're unlikely to fall for any man who says those things, you will be more discriminating. You will be comfortable to spend periods of time without a man. If your mother has always told you, you're not likely to get unnecessary plastic surgery. 

We crave the approval of our parents. My hubby is a stubborn man, who can't be told what to say, or think, but he's always called his little one "pretty" and "beautiful". I buy my daughter age appropriate makeup and proper acne wash, not the oatmeal soap that was all I was given for my zits, that had no effect. I want her to have good self esteem, and fit in with her peers. I treasure the little shopping trips with her, even if it's just shampoo we are buying. 

Why am I bringing this up with you today? Because I've seen several opinion pieces lately saying that we should not call our daughters pretty or beautiful, for feminist reasons. Then today I saw this video

 I disagree. We should point out our kid's talents to them, their achievements need to be extolled. However, in every society, appearance is important, like it or not. Unless you take down an entire beauty industry, daughters  everywhere will continue to be exposed to society's expectations. I saw some comments under those articles, by women wishing their parents had called them pretty. I understood where they were coming from perfectly.

I have a friend I called pretty and beautiful. That was just the way I saw her. Later I found out her father had always called her fat. Little wonder she doesn't think highly of herself. This week she is having a birthday. She is still beautiful, as the years go by. Happy Birthday, if you're reading. 

Please write your opinions about bringing up girls and experiences in the comments below. 

Tuesday, 25 July 2017


Please read part one before reading this post. 

Warning, adult content, over 15s only.

Some people don't regret at all. They usually have a brain disorder.

My Way. This song was famously chosen by President Donald Trump for his Inaugural ball. Since the first verse points out that the "end has come" and the person is dying, I thought it was a curious choice for a "beginning ball" . Then I saw the cake that imitated his predecessor's cake, but only one tier was real and the rest was allegedly styrofoam. They seemed to have no regrets about that, so the choice of song started to make more sense. 

Some people regret engaging in crimes. 


I'm including it because I don't want to leave out one part of the world's culture, and it's relevant. I don't like the word. 

Excerpt from "Regrets" by Jay Z.

"I sold it all from crack to o-pium, in third person

I don't wanna see em, so I'm rehearsing
with my peoples high to GM, from a remote lo-cation
in the BM, scoping the whole situation like, "Dayamm!"
Metamorphic, as the dope turns to cre-am
but one of these buyers got eyes like a Korean
It's difficult to read em, the windows to his soul
are half closed, I put the key in
Pulled off slow, hoping my people flee-in
Ch--k tried to knock the only link that tied me in
Coppers was watching us through nighttime binoculars
This time they got us on tape, exchanging dope for dollars
Make me wanna, holler back at the crib in the sauna
Praying my people bailed out like Time/Warner
Awaiting call, from his kin not the coroner
Phone in my hand, nervous confined to a corner
Beads of sweat second thoughts on my mind
How can I ease the stress and learn to live with these regrets
This time, stress, giving this sh--  up, f---

This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
And through our travels we get separated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with Regrets."

Written by F.Di Pasquele  & Jay Z

I think this applies to a lot of careers, not just violent ones, if we're honest with ourselves.

King David in the Bible was a really cool dude. Popular with the warriors, best friend loved him like Trump on a horse with a bare chested Putin; in favour with God, killed a huge but not very bright bloke called Goliath using just a lucky pet stone and a slingshot, could lull a cantankerous king to sleep with his harp, his lyrics were winning him the top 10 on the Jewish Hits charts. The people made him King, possibly because Grammy awards weren't yet invented, and the throne needed less dusting if somebody sat on it.

However, he was human. We can hold up leaders , religious ministers and famous people to a higher standard than ourselves, and perhaps we should, but at the end of the day they are human, they sin. CELEBRITIES ARE NOT GODS (Beyoncé , if you're listening.) 

David stuffed up royally. He deliberately got his neighbour killed, to get his wife. He did it remotely, (as JayZ says) sending the man away to the front lines where the battle was hottest. 

"in third person

I don't wanna see em, so I'm rehearsing
with my peoples high to GM, from a remote lo-cation
in the BM, scoping the whole situation like, "Dayamm!""

From "Regrets" sung by Jay Z.

We too distance ourselves from wrongdoing, but sponsor it as consumers, ripping off third world workers, or battery hens, remotely, never getting our hands soiled. Like Jay Z, we regret that, but push it down, "learn to live with regrets".

David had wives and concubines already, but the neighbour, a lowly soldier, had only one. David saw her bathing one day when he was leaning on his balcony wishing for a wild bucking horse event, saying "Rodeo, rodeo wherefore art thou rodeo..." .He saw her in the buff and wanted her, because , duh, lust, but also because power corrupts a soul. Power is isolating, so reality can get mislaid in all the swathes of entitlement. After the deed, the prophet Nathan brought God's message to David. 

Man you've been bad, and God is mad.

 Fair enough. David started having regrets. ( People get advised by their lawyers to show remorse at their trial in the hope of a lighter sentence).

King David was the whole package, you know: big brown puppy eyes with long lashes, charm, latest embroidered tunic, Nike ventilated performance sandals, (Nike was the god of very fast running on sweet feet), toned caramel legs with just the right amount of hair on them, champion, slingshot, pet lucky rock, muso, poet too.

 I fell for a poet once when I shouldn't have. I regret it now as I was already taken. But poetry, if it's not bad, is a heady brew. David thought he'd try it out on God to get himself out of this mess he'd made . It couldn't hurt, right?

14 "Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise."

King David
The Bible.

And more stuff harping on in that way. I think it's a good prayer for the police and military who struggle with having killed humans. So many get PTSD from killing, not just from someone trying to kill them. It's confronting taking a life, even if it's in the line of duty, you were following orders, or you were not responsible because of lack of sleep, given that your spouse was on a Netflix binge the night before on the bedroom tv. 

"Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God". 

Deliver me from the guilt. I could use that one with my regrets, too. And this bit "A broken and a contrite heart—These, O God, You will not despise."

He lived in ancient times. He was a rich celebrity. He could make laws, break them, afford organic locusts and wild vegan honey even out of season, but in contrition he was just like us, broken hearted with regret. Mostly because he got caught, but let's not get picky.

God needs us to be empty before he can fill us up with grace. If we are still full of our own bulldust, we will eventually go down like Goliath.

The lead singer of Linkin Park , Chester Bennington, died at age 41 this week of suspected suicide. If you feel life is getting too much, please get professional help, go to a doctor or call a helpline in your country. If you are in Australia, try Lifeline or Beyond Blue. 

Their music is very powerful. Here is one of their earlier songs. I think this song is art because it delves immortal themes, and different people see different things in it. It became an anthem of part of a generation. I put it last today because it's more hopeful than the other songs, I see redemption in it as well as regret.

First some interpretations by fans.

I think this song is about saying goodbye to the old you. The part of you you can't forgive because of the lies and horrible things you've done to hurt yourself and others. It's about having hope, forgiving that part of you and wanting to change for the better. It's an awesome song.
Xtr1kon April 05, 2007   

"A call to humankind to forgive itself and destroy the cycles of destruction in which it has snared itself. This song is both hopeful and desperate, but its message is clear: humankind cannot forgive itself until the individual--you and me--forgives himself for the wrongs he has done. 

Man is something that must be overcome."
TheBigMattowskion April 11, 2007

Excerpt from "What I've done", sung by Linkin Park.

"In this farewell
There's no blood, there's no alibi
'Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth of a thousand lies
So let mercy come and wash away
What I've done

I'll face myself to cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Put to rest what you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty
So let mercy come and wash away
What I've done."



Flyx Hoods-

"R.I.P Chester Bennington "

You Tube commenter.

"WHAT IV'E DONE" part 1


It's long, so get yourself a cuppa and get comfy.

When Princes William and Harry of Britain were young, their parents were divorced. During this period, no doubt they got teased alot at school, that their father wished he was a tampon, and asked by other boys if the Dodi was extinct yet. 

They had to travel alot back and forth to visit each parent, some distance. They said they didn't see their mother much at one period, just before she died. Their mother, of course, was the tragic Princess Diana. One day she rang them from overseas, her last contact with them, and they cut the phone call short, wanting to get back to their friends. Now they say they regret this. Of course they were young, and not expecting their Mum to die in a car crash. 

Definition of regret




  1. transitive verb
  2. 1a :  to mourn the loss or death ofb :  to miss very much

  3. 2:  to be very sorry for regrets his mistakes

  4. intransitive verb
  5. :  to experience regret


From the Merriam-Webster dictionary. 

Maybe we should plan for such events though, those of us who are old enough to know people can die at any age. Do we value others enough while they are alive? When we go out the door , do we always say goodbye, or are we too upset, or don't care. When we come in, do we say hello? Do we tell our loved ones that they are? These things are the basics. I read about a woman who said recently she made her husband sleep on the couch because he had hardly been home, and he died that night from unknown causes in his sleep. Later she found out he'd hardly been home because he was doing something nice for her. She has regrets, she's telling the world. 

Everyone has regrets about things they've done, unless they have brain damage. Apparently the difference between regret and remorse, or guilt, is that it applies to wishing we had done certain things, too. For example, in our country a few years ago, there was a campaign to get children to speak up when another child was being bullied. A song was put out to support the campaign, by Kate Miller-Heidke, a classically trained Australian turned pop singer. How many times do we fail to stand up for what is right? Even signing a petition, if enough people do it, it sends a powerful message. 

Excerpt from "Caught in the crowd". 
It was after school in the afternoon
The corridors were crowded as we came out of the rooms
Three guys I knew pushed him into the cement
Threw away his bag and said he had no friends
He yelled that he did and he looked around
Tried getting up but they pushed him on down
That's when he saw me, called out my name
And I turned my back, and just walked away
Yeah I turned my back, and just walked away
I was young and caught in the crowd
I didn't know then what I know now
I was dumb, and I was proud
And I'm sorry
If I could go back, do it again
I'd be someone you could call friend
Please please, believe that I'm sorry."
Songwriters: Kate Miller-Heidke / Keir Nuttall

Edith Piaf famously sang a song about how she regretted nothing , from her colourful life. Interesting as, though she was a great , great star and rightly so, she had also been a collaberator with the Germans during the occupation of France in WW2. She changed her opinion, by her last words.

Excerpt from "Non je ne regrette rien", in English

"With my memories
I light the fire
My pains, my pleasures
I don't need them anymore
I'm done with the loves
and all their troubles
I'm done for ever
I start over with nothing

No, absolutely nothing
No, I regret nothing
Not the good that has been given
Not the bad, it's all the same to me
No, absolutely nothing
No, I regret nothing
Because my life, because my joys
today, they start with you."

 by Charles Dumont, with lyrics by Michel Vaucaire. It was written in 1956.

Hi. It's very important that you read part two, which has a slightly more uplifting ending. It's called What I've Done part 2. 

Thanks for reading!

What I've Done Lyrics
New! Tap highlighted lyrics to add Meanings, Special Memories, and Misheard Lyrics...
Play "What I've Done"
on Apple Music

In this farewell
There's no blood, there's no alibi
'Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth of a thousand lies
So let mercy come and wash away
What I've done

I'll face myself to cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Put to rest what you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty
So let mercy come and wash away
What I've done

I'll face myself to cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

I'll face myself to cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

(Na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na)
What I've done
(Na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na)
Forgiving what I've done
(Na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na)
(Na na na na)