Sunday 12 March 2017

FRIENDS WHO FIRE OUR INNER FLAME

It is my opinion, that God sends us the right people at the right time. Sometimes they are right for us at that time. If we have the sense we should be grateful. 

Sometimes we are sent to them. Then we may choose to activate our patience, time , tough love, or wallet. 

If the stars are all aligned correctly, both may occur in a mutually beneficial friendship. 

I have moved towns and states quite a few times, so had to become reasonably good at making friends. I think being interested in the other person is the key.

 I don't remember my friends much before year 6. The friend I had that year was the fastest runner and best at sport. I was a bookish nerd, but she was the most popular in class because of being athletic. After that year we moved a long way away to the big city. She came to stay with us for a holiday (vacation) and we had fun, but too soon it was over and I never saw her again. 

Another significant friend lived next door to me in another big city. When my first hubby was sick, and dying, she was a fantastic support. Her Lebanese culture says to look after the bereaved for 40 days after the death. My child and I could have an evening meal in there any night we wanted, or every night, but we didn't do that. We took dessert. She and her family were fantastic. 


Some of my closest friends right now are online friends. We "talk" often, or every day. Those friends help me get through my life, I am grateful for them all. 












" I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. " Thomas Jefferson





My favourite episode ever, of "Friends" TV  sitcom is the English Trifle one:









FREE UNISEX IMAGES TO SHARE OR PRINT FOR PERSONAL USE . Photos taken in South Gippsland Victoria, Australia: 




" Life has no blessing like a prudent friend. ". Euripides

 










" As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. "  King Solomon



 
 
 


"Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. " Ann Landers





 



"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. " Albert Schweitzer




 




"The bond between friends cannot be broken by chance; no interval of time or space can destroy it. Not even death itself can part true friends. "

John Cassian





 





Do you have problems making friends? Advice I often give people is to join a club or class in a subject you enjoy. This could be photography, book club, woodwork, cooking, whatever you like or have always wanted to do. Arrive to the sessions early and don't leave early. Take time to talk to people but mostly listen, and memorise what they tell you about themselves. So next time you can ask them a relevant question. Here's a helpful link


51 comments:

Fizzfan said...

So this is very lovely blog! I'm a HUGE fan of celebrating the importance of friends. There was one time in my life when I'd just been dumped by a boyfriend, that I found myself without a close one because I'd relied on our relationship to keep me company too much. Never again.
I don't have too many because I'm naturally not gregarious, but the ones I do have are pretty incredible and add incalculable enrichment to my life. It is a form of love and vitally important to me.
I'm not sure if men have the same need for close friends as women (we are generally more communication driven) and I think my other half is a bit mystified that I visit friends for hours on end and we just talk as he would need to also be 'doing' something to spend any length of time with his chums.
The advent of tech has enhanced and expanded my friendships as I don't even have to leave my house now to either keep in touch and/or make new ones (as this blog proves)
Yes, big thumbs up to friends, they are amazing! Xxx
PS I love the Friends video. Such a fabulous show, and Rachel was always my favourite!

Running on empty said...


I think that men do choose to discuss things while looking at something else, but I'd like to hear from a bloke if he agrees or not.

I'm glad you were able to play the video, Fizz!

Kathy said...

I love my women friends....we can say stupid things and laugh at things we wouldn't want to repeat in public. As I am getting older a lot of my friends are handicapped physically and we still laugh about the "golden" years. I do miss the fact we are not as able to travel together or do as many things as we used to because of disabilities. One thing I do appreciate is my younger friends and relatives. They keep me young in spirit and refuse to let me say I am "old". I do agree it is important to stay active in group activities because it would be too easy to become agoraphobic as we age...I am not there yet but I have friends who are. I am thankful I have some new online friends for those days I am home more than usual. I always try to remember a friend is someone who knows who you are and loves you anyways. I have along the way cut ties with women who were too much to cope with or emotionally exhausting. As we go through life all friends do not appear as often but when we meet it is like old times again....
Great blog....Cath...and you know how to be a good friend...

Running on empty said...


Thankyou, Kathy! So do you! I think you are young in spirit, but don't think you are old in age anyway. I used to work in nursing homes as well as other places, old to me is around 85 plus, and there are some that age and overwho are doing amazing things. It comes down to attitude plus what you can afford. If going out is too expensive then online is great for keeping in touch and staying young mentally, for sure!

Jane said...

As one reluctant "oldie" to another. ... I have days when I am 5 and days when I am 90. Nor too many of those thank goodness. Mostly somewhere in the middle.
Friends are important. I'm a writer rather than a talker, and most people are surprised when we meet that I don't talk too much. So I have my chatty friends and I have the ones who believe silence says a lot. Mostly they too are in the middle. And if this autocorrupt doesn't stop trying to put words into my pen that I don't intend I shall have to stop.
More later. Nice to see you here Fizz.

Jane said...

It also made me 5 years old. ...that's too young.

Rina said...

Most of my lifetime friends have either left the country, or decided to high tail it out of here altogether, leaving me behind. I'm reminded of what a wonderful 85-year-old said to me years ago, that she feels like she's been kept in at school when everyone else has gone home. But nothing can rob me of the wealth they brought to my life, or the wealth that my current friends, old and new, still give me.

I don't know that five is too young. I fancy being two, sometimes. Licensed to have tantrums.

Running on empty said...


Welcome to you all and your comments!

Barry Overall said...

Now don't get too excited,, yes at Last we are together again, major problems this end, and I hope you get this message,, I hope you ladies who don't know me will excuse me but "Running on empty" and I have a little history, and I also hope that you don't feel that I am pushing into your "women's world"
How are you my lovely Aussy friend,, its been difficult at this end but I have made a major decision and things in my head seem better now.
Talking about friends,, yes everyone needs them, weather you think you do or not,, the comment from ROE,,, from a man's point of view ( that's right I am FELLA) and I'm talking about our age group, we are often quite happy in our own space, yes I have friends but like everybody we have our own lives to live, so when we get a chance to chat, that's great,, until the nest time,, we like to see our ladies happy with there friends, that gives us pleasure,, I think we are more independent and don't necessarily need that connection that ladies do. personally, as long as I have someone beside me who makes my heart beat faster, then I am content.
I have to go and get the mower fixed so I will speak again soon,, and for all you ladies who think I am a nutter,,, yer dead right.

Running on empty said...


Hi Badger, about time you came back here! Im ok! I'm glad things are good in your head! We have Dan on here from a London now, hopefully you will run into his comments, and he wrote a post for the blog too. He has his own, also.
Who knows how many other men are reading along!

Running on empty said...


THE London, lol, not a London, lol.

Jane said...

Suddenly all my buddies are popping up. Hi Badger.
I have spent today changing my passwords. Everyone is worrying about being hacked. What tedious affair. One computer, one laptop, one tablet, one phone. Disabling Internet on the phone. It's not worth the expense when I use my tablet for emails on the move. At home I use the desktop.

Fizzfan said...

WOW! Just logged on and glory be, lots of lovely blogs from lots of lovely people! This is fantastic!
Hello Badger n Jane n Rina. Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Hopefully see you here lots more so we can catch up and/or get to know each other better.
Jane I feel awful but did we know each other on a different site or did you go under a different name? Feel free to tell me off for not remembering :)
Kathy, thanks for being around on HT. Its nice to see a familiar face cos it's a bit of a minefield out there! :)

On the flip side I have had some worrying news about a friends health today, so have been trying to cheer her up. I'm determined it will all be OK tho and that's that. Wish life was as simple as just demanding things but staying positive cos it may very well all be fine.


Running on empty said...


It's good you're being careful to prevent, hacking, Jane.

Fizz, yes you do know Jane from the other site. She has such a good social life, she flits in and out!

Fizz, have hope that your friend will be ok.

JudyGDesigns said...

Good morning, all. I am JudyG on houzz , so I “speak” Boston. If you heard me you would laugh. “Pahk your cah at Hahvah Yahd and meet me for lobstah chowdah”.

I live on Cape Cod with my husband. We are retired (well, I still having my design business, small but busy).

We met at Boston College and got married in our mid twenties. Our daughter is a Surgical Nurse and Children’s Hosp in Boston and is also in the Navy. Right now she is in San Diego for the Navy and has missed our snow storms. Lucky girl!

Friendships…I remember my Dad saying to me that if I had 5 good friends in my old age, I would be very fortunate. At the time, I was still single and had tons of friends, and I couldn’t understand what he meant. Actually, I was kind of shocked! Only FIVE?

I realize now that it is so true that people come in and out of our lives at different times, for different reasons, and we learn a lesson from each encounter. I have my dear friend of 61 years and some newer ones who I met from tennis. All are special, but there are 5 who I hold dear. I trust them completely and know they would do anything for me. Guess Dad was right on.

Looking forward to getting to know you all. On-line friendships can be very fulfilling. I have met and become good friends with two houzzers. We chat every day; we have “met” each others husbands and children. We share a lot. One couple came to the Cape and we did meet in person and it was such a thrill. We liked each other even more. The other couple hopes to get my way next year.

So, thanks, Cath, for the invitation (again). You all seem so nice.

Off for my bone density test.

Running on empty said...


Good to see you back, Judy! Americans tell me I have an accent, too, I speak "Strine". My mother was always trying to get me to speak more nicely... I can if I try hard, but usually forget.

It's interesting what some of you are saying about friends dropping away in some cases. I've been trying for years to get my daughter to understand that studies should come before messaging schoolfriends, as they won't all stay together down the years, but a qualification is an asset for life. Well, until the robots take your job, that is.

Jane said...

Fizz, you know me as Janbhan on other sites.
Judy, I had a strong Scottish accent till we moved to England when I was eight. Although my mother insisted we spoke BBC at home, outside we all spoke broad Lancashire. When I moved to India 0 years ago, I had to lose that accent and learn "indian" English. ... for years my mother would wince, because it took about a week to wear off. Now I don't bother. I am what I am, a transplant that has taken root and acclimatised.
I must admit,"Strine" is hard to follow at first. But you get used to almost any accent, as long as the words are the same.

I am busy at present putting together a small recital for my friend, who died at 94 recently. We sang in the same choir for a number of years, and though I no longer live in that town, the choir has asked me to curate the recital and be master of ceremonies. And to write a memorial poem. This is not so easy! It has to be joyful and not morbid. Right now I keep thinking how she looked on my last visit, tiny, shrunken, curled like a baby under layers of blankets. This is not the image I want to keep. I want the indomitable old lady, singing fit to bust in a very powerful alto. So I keep holding to that image and in a few days I will write.

Still suffering what looks like a kidney infection. The antibiotics have changed again, and I have canceled a trip to Delhi and Bangalore. It's no fun to travel when you are not well. Growl growl.

Running on empty said...


Jane, your words about the choir recital jogged my memories and inspired my new post, The Wailing Song. Have a look.

Jane said...

I ended up in the emergency room after being unable to pass any urine for 10 hours. I got a catheter with bag (for 3 days!!!) A painkiller drip and antibiotic shot. Instructions to drink lots of water. We got to bed a 2 am. ....this morning I found a little shopping bag to camouflage the urine bag, and went for ultrasound, which thankfully was clear. I was worried about kidney stones.today, a bit more comfortable but disinclined to do much. So watched telly, and dozed. Hubby, bless him, organised food and basic household chores.

I located the music required for the recital on Google, listened to it, and worked out a satisfactory order. I wanted dark at the beginning, triumphant in the middle, and peaceful and accepting at the end. I'll post the list shortly, as soon as the choir director has approved it. I looked at Mendelssohn, Casals,and Verdi among others. Special request from a choir member to include Amazing Grace! So I'll allow the music to dictate the poem, I think.

Loved the wailing song! I have always been a Pink Floyd fan anyway, is it a generational thing?

Jane said...

One really dramatic singer was Freddie Mercury. Listen to the tracks from "Barcelona" , they are so amazing. He was dying from Aids and determined to make the most of life.

Kathy said...

Hi all, It was such a joy reading all your comments and I am happy to be in such a nice group.

FIzzfizz, yes HTs can be brutal if people get in squabbles. It's nice to see your calm posts on there.

Jane, I hope you are recovered or at least recovering. I have family members that suffer from kidney stones and they are very painful. The arrangements you are doing for the funeral sound so wonderful and thoughtful. I love your storytelling on Houzz.

Judy, I have seen your posts on Houzz and I believe I follow you. I had a wonderful friend who lived near Boston but she has passed. She was one who we didn't see each other often but when we did it was like old times. We traveled and went sightseeing to Cape Cod on one of my visits. You are very fortunate to live in such a beautiful area., I love it there.

Badger, I welcome your input anytime....feel welcome as far as I am concerned.

ROE...Loved the wailing song and Pink Floyd....I can see why you call it that. Thank you for inviting me here. I am looking forward to seeing all of you on future threads.

Running on empty said...


I'm very pleased to have you all commenting!

Jane said...

I am better, still not 100% but getting there.

Yesterday went to my daughter's home to spend time with GD, who wanted to learn a specific kind of brush stroke. I found she only had 2 suitable brushes, but she is visiting usa in a couple of months and I told her to try and get Japanese writing brushes. We has a pleasant 2 hours while she experimented, and I gave her a book on tole painting which is old but comprehensive. Even my daughter got interested!
Went home after dinner and fell into bed, slept 9 hours!

Fizzfan said...

Ahhh, now I recognise you Jane. Globetrotter extraordinaire! Yes it's so nice to hear your latest posts, although very sorry to hear you've been unwell. Hope you're continuing to feel better.

Very good news about my friend though. Having been told she probably had a tumour in her jaw BEFORE the official diagnosis (go figure!) she's actually just got a bad infection and will have to have a couple of teeth out. Unbelievable lack of judgement on the dentists part as she has a history of tumours so of course thought it was definitely a reoccurrence.

Kathy, it's nice to hear your very measured and thoughtful comments on HT. It's definitely a site not for the faint hearted but lots of very intelligent and very outspoken opinions! I'm not really a political animal other than thinking so much seems so wrong, hence the mess we're in. I'm kind of from the Russell Brand camp of we need something entirely different in our approach and overall thinking. Big words but probably impossibly idealistic!

Funny what you said about 5 friends Judy. My Dad says you only need 12 important people in your life (and that includes family)
I don't know if there is a magic number, but I definitely agree we all need them and am very thankful to have the ones I have.
My Mums just lost her lifetime best friend and really doesn't have any other close friends, just neighbours and acquaintances. She's also a widower, so now suffers from an increasing sense of loneliness. It's very sad.

On a brighter note, it's so good to hear from all of you and be able to dip into some catch ups just by logging on! Amazing.

Kathy said...

Fizzfan....about your friend. Two stories...I had a lump under my chin and I was so upset before going to Dr. He told me it was from a nearby gland from an infection. Who know we had glands under our chin? Second....a friend same thing, lump on neck...had MRI all sorts of tests....nothing...finally went to dentist and it was a cracked tooth causing infection in bones of jaw. I am happy to hear your friend is okay even though it was serious as it was. Losing teeth is not fun.

Side note....I started yoga...and it was so helpful for my back. All that nice quiet stretching did wonders.

FIzzfan, Also, I am so sorry to hear about the shooting in UK. We need to be aware at all times now.
I had to look on a map to see where the Parliment was located in London. She Imwas there years ago we stayed in Chelsea/Kensington not too far from Kensington palace.

Fizzfan said...

Yes, pretty dire news about the killings in London. We're a pretty pragmatic lot us Brits though and when we were discussing it at work today the main consensus was that it's business as normal and holy moly 4 people can be killed in 1 single car accident multiple times every day in any country. We don't like the sensationalism the media heap on these idiots. It's the notoriety they long for and I really wish there was a way not give it to them. Feeds the 'war on terror' hype that is ramped up to the max to a far greater extent than reality justifies.
Couple of loons on a rampage. Deranged ba*****ds, but they crop up everywhere for any number of reasons of any nationality on any given day.

So yoga sounds good. I've started exercising at home (used to do a lot when I was younger) as I'm off on a holiday in a few weeks and need a bit of toning up. Tried classes but my joints complained so I just do lots of tummy crunches and bum scrunches, to music I like, on my bed, and it seems to be doing the trick.

On health matters, another friend had a knee op a couple of months ago but is still unable to drive due to soreness etc. She went back to the Dr to ask for physio and was told it probably is needed but the NHS can't afford to offer it. She was very annoyed as she would have paid for it herself had she have known. Our NHS is amazing in some respects but is at breaking point financially and there's a lot of disquiet about it. Another friend works for them and says a lot of privatisation of non essential services is happening under the radar.

I've embarked on a homemade chicken and veg soup lunch diet. Can't believe the difference it's made to all things digestive and levelling out of tummy. It's tasty too!

Kathy said...

Fixxfan, would you share your recipe? I am not good at making chicken soup. Every time the noodles swell up too much. Finally I gave up, but I love homemade soup, it is one of my favorite things to eat.

Yoga is so good especially since it is slow and peaceful way to exercise. I never knew I would enjoy it so much. i actually look forward rather than dreading it. It can be done at home but we will never take an hour to devote for that alone. The teachers give instructions on protecting your joints. How to kneel on a rug and sit on one on the edge to make sure you title a certain way. It is good you are doing some form of exercise at least. I have always been active but now that I am older I spent one whole winter reading and doing a lot of sitting. That did a number on me and I woke up one day and my back was extremely painful and I could hardly walk. That lasted 2 years with therapy and shots. The yoga is one of the best things I have done. That and quitting a station medication Imtook for cholesterol.

Privatization will kill healthcare. I don't care what they say about competition it never seems to work. All the places just keep within a few dollars of one another so the competition doesn't keep prices low. At least that is how I see it. There are a lot of small emergency clinics opening up here since Obamacare went into effect. They cost more than a hospital emergency room because they are just call themselves emergency clinics but are not billed as an emergency room. It is a crazy thing. BTW the repeal of Obamacare failed. Even though the Republicans have a majority and could have passed it themselves Trump blamed it on the Democrats...lol. Basically it was a tax cut for the rich because it gave them 600M dollars and took away a lot of things covered.

I agree with not sensationalizing the people who terrorize. They are looking for notoriety so it really perpetuates a problem.

Kathy said...

Next time I will proofread...ugh

Jane said...

Ha ha, I always say that. ..then I submit, and am aghast at what the autocorrupt has been up to when I wasn't looking.
I think the trouble with Obamacare is that it was brought in in a hurry. Seems that several attempts have been made to create something like uk's national health service but there was no consensus on how it should function. I think some health care is better than non, but I also agree that emergency clinics should be properly regulated.
If you can insist that everybody has health insurance it should be possible to lay down a minimum requirement. After all you have to have car insurance, it's the law. So why should you not have health insurance?
In India all clinics have to offer 10% discount to anyone over 60. This covers pathology and some basic procedures. It's a start. I was surprised to find that I got a discount because I was a senior citizen in California. I had severe asthma and my usual medications didn't work. I expected a huge bill, but it was a lot less than anticipated. Since I was on holiday I wasn't planning on falling sick!
There are free clinics and hospitals in India, if you are prepared to wait in a queue. Often they are long, a deterrent to those who can afford to pay.
I appreciate Trump wanting to make health care more affordable. But demolishing the existing setup without seeing if it can be improved won't help and could leave many without any cover. Can he guarantee that those with chronic disease or existing conditions won't suffer during the transition? Is there a plan for a transition?

Fizzfan said...

So here goes with recipe, although it's very flexible and you can use whatever veg you like really, you just add the hardest veg first as they take the longest to cook through......
For a BIG saucepan....
3 or 4 medium Onions roughly chopped.
1 large pepper chopped fairly small.
Fry these in a little oil in your big saucepan while slicing up a large carrot (or couple of smaller ones) Add the carrot.
Then add some boiling chicken stock, about a pint but just enough to make it a good veg to liquid consistency really.
Add chilli flakes or fresh chilli to taste, but if you don't like it, just leave it out.
Peel n chop about 3 potatoes into large bite sized pieces and add to slowly simmering soup.
Add 2 to 3 large dessertspoons of Creme Fraiche.
I then chop a stick of celery, pak choi, sprinkle of sweetcorn, peas and small pieces of broccoli or whatever you like or have available and throw it all in.
Simmer til the potatoes are just cooked through adjusting your seasoning to taste.
I usually add COOKED chicken at the end or just add it when I'm reheating it.
It's a bit vague but whole thing takes about half an hour including chopping and can be reheated by the bowl full in a microwave in a couple of mins.
PS I don't use pasta as I prefer potatoes, but you could substitute them :)
I so agree about privatisation. Business has no place in care! My biggest beef with all politics is the huge pot of money left untouched at the top of the tax tree. There should be a global agreement that obscene wealth be diminished through taxation and put to use to ease poverty, assist essential services and create more income for the working so they in turn will spend more and revive economies.
The banks have been allowed to control far too much of what was once decided by politicians, who I think at one time actually listened to the people. Money rules now and most politicians are either just rich or priveleged which for me is a road to ruin. They should know what it's like to live a normal life before they're considered fit for office! Rant over on behalf of the faithless, frustrated and furious fair minded folks :)
Its fab that your yoga is helping so much. I did try Pilates once but ended up with a backache?! I'm a bit of a move to music junky and like getting into rhythms so have my favourite toons on as a distraction while I do my exercises. Enjoying it is the key I guess and whatever floats your boat should be the one you set sail in if you want to get anywhere :)
Hope everyone has a fab weekend n see u soon!

Fizzfan said...

Jane just had to go back to your comment re Freddie Mercury. He was my fist love! Bohemian Rhapsody and First Night At The Opera kept me company for a large chunk of my early teens. What a talent! Sorely missed :(

Kathy said...

Thank you so much for the recipe...I like the idea of potatoes since it was always the noodles that ruined my soup. It's good to have some in the fridge for those times I don't want to cook a full meal. Hubby and I, neither one wants to cook anymore, so soups or salads onhand help a lot.

Jane, I am sure you would be amazed what normal procedures cost in US....a baby delivery and care can be upwards of $10,000-15,000.
Anything hospital related is astronomical in cost. We could travel to another country with our family and stay there for surgery for the cost of some procedures here in the US. It may come to that.

Thanks ladies....

Fizzfan said...

Kathy I'm really interested to know what the average cost of your health insurance is? Also, what happens to people who have none and then for example develop cancer, or an emergency like appendicitis? Are they treated and then billed and if they don't pay just have any assets taken like their homes for example?
I'm assuming your dental care is all private too?

It's one of the greatest puzzles about America that on one hand it's so advanced and civilised, yet on the other, such a fundamental need like basic health care isn't seen as an absolute priority and right of all citizens.

Jane said...

Actually if you like noodles, add them to your bowl of soup before you heat it up. They microwave ok. I make a pot of soup that will last me a week. Then I line bowls with resealable bags and ladle in the soup. Seal, freeze and remove from bowl. When you want soup, unpack the block, slip it back into the bowl, defrost and heat. Writers can't spend all their time being domestic, so when I lived alone I cooked once a week. Roasted a small chicken, dismembered it and used the meat in different ways. The bones etc became stock...still do it, but of course I have hubby to fed as well! so I cook alternate days. And we eat out a couple of times a week.
India is a medical destination, especially for othopaedic procedures. You can have a bit of a holiday too while recovering, even if it is limited by your procedure! Hospital treatment is cheaper, care is good, and the doctors excellent and not outrageously pricey.
I do yoga, it is calming and keeps me flexible even though I don't lose any weight. But it seems to keep my weight stable. I do it even when I am not well, though some poses get left out depending how I feel.
I put on Queen while I cook....Elgar goes with yoga.

Running on empty said...


I'm glad to see everybody chatting, readers if you are new, or maybe just been away for a bit, feel free to jump in.

Kathy said...

Fizzfan, Our healthcare is Medicare-Primary and Blue Criss Blue Shield of Mi provided fornretirees of the United Auto Workers of Chrysler Corp. When the company went bankrupt in 2008 the union bought outDr insurance plan and we get it from them now. Thatnisna supplement to Medicare. We don't really pay now except for deductibles. We have what is considered the Cadillac of insurance. We still end up paying several hundred a year for the deductible for prescriptions and co-pays. That is not a lot compared to what we get. We also have vision, Hearing, Dental and Lawyers.
Now, if you don't have insurance you will be treated but you will be billed. Yes, it can bankrupt someone. My daughter filed Medical Bankruptcy because she had three surgeries and a ton of medical expenses. I think that has been discontinued now. I had cancer and the onlyspecialist was out of my plan so I was penalized 20%. I had to pay him $500 out of pocket but all the rest of my expenses for surgery and 5 days in hospital and 3months chemo were covered. The chemo was very expensive. I had one set of shots for blood every 3wks that cost $1500. It was approx $100,000 for that. It pays for my chiropractor visits every two weeks for the last 2years.
My daughter now has Medicaid. The area she lives in has only a one or two doctors that accept Medicaid. It is similar to Medicare....government paid. They pay lower fees to Drs.and hospitals so,they get terrible treatment at some places. They took her appendix out when it was her gallbladder. She had terrible complications with a hysterectomy.
I feel terrible that some people don't go to the doctor because they cannot afford it so only go to emergency for dire things. Many rural area hospitals have closed because they do not have enough insured people to stay open. The people have to drive 50 or more miles to a hospital for emergencies.
Medical tests and prescriptions in US are very high compared to other countries. A MRI is approx $5000...sometimes theynwill have a sale...if you have back problems or something and you want to pay cash. Mine was covered.
Most people in US have employer covered healthcare. Some Really poor or disabled have Medicaid. Thenold have Medicare. There is actually only a small,part of the populace that don't have anything and they are mostlynthe working poor. The people whose jobs pay minimum wage and they cannot afford it. Or the self employed. I don't understand why it is such a big deal to give subsidies for their insurance.
Our plan before Medicare was primary was valued at $24,000 a year. My other daughter who is in her 50s and single pays 350.00 a month for a medium plan. Her subsidy from the ACA (Obamacare) pays another 500. It would be 850 if she paid it all herself.

I made the chicken soup today but I used gnocchi instead of potatoes. It turned out really good. Thank you.

Jane I love yoga. It has helped my posture after my back problems and I can walk without pain. Who knew it was so good? I am only in a basic class for an hour 2x a week. Some ladies go more often and to a more intense workout but I am definitely not flexible or fast enough for that. It seems funny to do yoga to Queen....isn't that a rock band?

Later, k

Kathy said...

Sorry for the typos....the print is teeny tiny on my iPad....I can barely read it let alone fix it...lol

Jane said...

Yoga is the best solution for bad backs. If you combine it with Pranayam, a breathing-based meditation, it is also very good for blood pressure.
Yes, Queen is a rock band, but the lead singer, Freddie Mercury, actually had a classical training in music. Behind that raw energy you can hear the discipline. I love their music, lush, loud, emotional, so good to work out or dance to.

I find with soups you really need to leave out the starchy stuff, it can go in when you reheat. Potatoes in particular don't freeze well anyway. They go very mushy. Mostly I make stock and add stuff to it later, though my leek and potato soup just gets frozen ready to go. It's blended so it freezes ok.
You may not hear much from me for a bit. I am busy curating a memorial recital and have to write a eulogy and a poem. Maybe I can make the poem the eulogy. The recitasl is not only for my friend, but her sister-in-law and another lady who also sang in the choir. The four of us would get together for a contributory dinner, talk music and books, sing, discuss art, and the husbands would sit out on the balcony having a drink and a cigar. They were all smokers, and are all long gone. Somewhere in heaven there must be a smoking room for those dear souls.
So I am musing on using this idea for my poem, a place in heaven where we can all get together regardless of faith and do what we most enjoy. There will be a bottle of whisky for me, lemonade for Gladys and Paige, both staunch Methodists, and a glass of port for Yasmen, a Parsi lady with a remarkable contralto.
At rehearsals Yasmen and Gladys (also an alto) always stood side by side, more or less in the centre of the front row, and growled away full blast. I didn't mind standing next to Gladys because her voice drowned out an off-key soprano just behind me. I was a second soprano, able to sing high notes if I really had to, but more comfortable somewhere in the middle. I could cope with Gladys singng her part, but the off-key soprano was another matter.
So now, off I go, to write my little piece on the ladies in heaven, and another reflecting on Lent. I have some ideas about that too. A lot of buildings locally are shrouded in sacking, undergoing extensive repairs. It has a Lenten look....

Kathy said...

Jane...I had to laugh at loud at your experience of having to drown out the bad soprano....Imwas thatnbad secomd soprano. I never could get the hang of singing different than the person next to me, so it would try to follow one or the other, never quite able to do either. Sometime I just mouthed it rather than fightnthe battle. I don't know how I ever got into choir other than the teacher needed students. It sure wasn't because Incould carry a tune.
I like your idea of freezing the soups. I will have to try that.
Thank you for the laugh this morning....
Later, k

Fizzfan said...

Thanks for all the medical info Kathy. Good to know that most employers pay for most insurance at least.
It sounds like quite a disjointed and complex system and madly expensive but mainly just glad to know you've had your treatments and I hope very much that you're OK now.

Good luck with your poem Jane. I guess most people's idea of heaven would be a little different, but yes, it would undoubtedly be a place where all folks just got along.

Kathy said...

Fizzfan, The insurance system in US is probably not as disjointed as my explanation. It is a great system if you can afford it. Too many lower income workers are going without. One way or another the hospitals and other medical suppliers get their profit from the people who have insurance. That unfortunately doesn't give those workers medical care.

Jane, I had a great yoga teacher today.....he gave us lots of visuals and mental discipline. I thought of how we are all here on earth in transition.
Ii hope your poem goes well. What an honor to have had such good friends and be able to write about them....
Later, k

Jane said...

The great thing about Pranayam is that it focuses only on the breath. If you focus only on the breath and what you are doing with it, you have no room in your mind for anything else. This automatically calms the mind and releases energy to the body. I can bring my blood pressure to normal within ten minutes by doing the breathing exercises.
I'll post the two poems. They are not the usual praise poems. I wanted just to remember what good times we had.

Kathy said...

Jane, our teacher had us do a bit of breathing with some visualization. It really does help...I am one who definitely needs more self discipline....in more than one area...
I will look forward to your poems...
Later, Kathy

Jane said...

Well, here we are in April and it is HOT! We are in Pune, where I read my two poems and said my little piece about my old friend. I think maybe 50 people were there, and our collective ages would have taken us back a couple of thousand years....However, the choir made up for our grey heads, being mostly young, in their twenties. All in white but with coloured scarves. They sang a capella, with only a few stumbles, and the whole program was done and dusted in 45 minutes. It was held in the little chapel of the Nuns' old age home. I never knew they had old age homes!
I learned something new about my old friend. It seems she was an accomplished violinist and played with the Bombay orchestra for several years. But maybe raising a family made it hard to keep it up.... she started a school (which is still going strong) and was a trustee till she turned ninety. So I can see where she would not have had time to play. I know I dreamed of a career in painting that came to nothing because I spent so much time raising a family. Writing came much later.
This morning we enjoyed our morning cuppa on the little balcony attached to the living room. Birdsong and the delight of watching the swifts swooping across the sky. They will soon be gone, not to be seen till November or so. A flight if egrets, more or less in formation, was another plus this morning. Normally we see them from above, in Mumbai, but here we are much lower down, and could see the long black legs neatly tucked under pure white bellies.
More later, we are now out on the balcony again, having an evening whisky!

Running on empty said...


Welcome back, Jane. I'm glad the memorial was so successful.
I worked in a Nun's nursing home for a year when I finished school. It was a good grounding in many skills. Saw my first dead body, I had lost grandparents before that, but not seen them afterwards. The nuns were so respectful and loving toward their deceased sister. She was a gentle soul who had been blind. I remember I took white gardenias from Mums garden for the room.

I had to give up my music teaching business because of my ADHD son, screaming during the lessons. If the student held him he stopped crying, but then I felt I couldn't charge them. my then hubby continued to work Saturday overtime when he said he'd help. I also gave up my oil painting lessons when I was pregnant.

Jane said...

I have been busy and not able to post in more than one place. Also suffering from the heat and various aches and pains.
We are still trying to get our tenant out. Nor is he paying. So we have finally found a lawyer who says he can get him out, though not guaranteeing any money.

Still battling a bank for closure of Arun's salary account. ..The trouble was after he died I found he had been doing some investing, and dividends were coming in to that account, but we didn't know from where. So until where had located all the investments we couldn't close the account. As soon as we said we were done, the bank froze the account!
Since then, they have come up with cations demands for various documents, and after 0 years not all of them are available. At some point my lawyer will come into play. Again.

Running on empty said...


I'm so sorry to hear here and on Crossroads about your pain, Jane. I so hope you can get on top of it promptly. Love, Running

Anonymous said...

To those who give up good jobs and hobbies to care for the family, I admire you. But don't put away your hobbies forever. Somehow, somewhere, you can keep them ticking over, til, the day you have more time to spare.
Also, try to get me-time, ask a family member or a friend to take over for a little while. It makes a lot of difference. Stress levels go down!
Rushing off for a doctor appointment to see what can be done about the pain. That might be due to stress too.

Jane said...

I don't know how I got to be s bp no nymphs! Blame the tablet!

Jane said...

Autocorrupt at it again. That strange phrase (?) Is supposed to be anonymous!

Running on empty said...


Hehe, I have a craft/sewing cupboard full of things that were shelved for the duration.